A Parody
by Drakoe555
Summary: LOL, total crakfic
1. Chapter 1

Thought speak is underline.

I do not own animorphs, Jake, rachel, cassie, marco, walgreens, tic tacs, soda, chili(Thank god for that.) Visser three, and andalites.

I DO own The thugs named charles, drake, kyle, Butter one, and Weird-Al-Yanchovic.

Chapter 1

My name is Drake. I can't tell you any thing. I remain secret because then they'll find me. I don't know how, I don't know why, but they'll find me. 'Who are they?' you say. Well I don't know who they are either, I'm just paranoid. This story begins when I was walking home from Walgreen's late at night. I bought some soda and Tic Tacs and was headed home.

All of a sudden I see a light in the sky and decide to follow it. It was bright red and it was headed for the vacant lot across the street. I went into the lot and look up and saw that it wasn't a meteor but a flying pot of chili! _Uh oh,_ I thought _mom must be trying to cook again! _But then it look like the chili pot was slowing down. It was a spaceship! It landed and out came a giant baked bean!

Hello The talking bean said. Well not really said I kind of heard it in my head, and it wasn't just words, it was spiciness too! "Who are you?" I asked. I am Weird-Al-Yanchovic from the planet

Fart-a-con 3. It answered as a bit of gas escaped from it's rear end. "Why are you here?" I asked. Earth is being invaded.

"WHAT??? By who?!?!"

It is being invaded by spinach, but not like the ones you eat. He answered.

"How does spinach invade the world?"

They have the ability to control your body odor.

I gasped out loud.

You are powerless against the body odor, it will make birds fall from the sky, it will make small rooms

impossible to sleep in! But worst of all, they will make little kids say P.U!

"So basically we're doomed to have body odor for the rest of our lives? That's terrible! Can't you help us at all?"

I can give you a power no one else has, He answered the power to use roll-on deodorant!

"Most people can already do that," I said "Can't you give me something a little more use full?"

Hmm... It thought. I could give you a barbie doll or the ability to morph to animals.

"I choose..." Morphing animals sounds fun and the barbie doll is basically useless. "I choose the barbie doll!"

Very wise choice. It complimented.

"Really?"

No.

"Fine," I concluded "I choose the morphing power."

Very good The gassy bean said. Please go in my ship and get it for me.

"Ok," I said and went into the bowl of chili. "Wait what does it look like?"

It looks like an onion, It said. But hurry! My enemies are coming!

I nodded and looked around the deep red interior of the ship,there was a chair, a wide screen TV, a

PlayStation 4, and finally the onion he spoke of. I picked it up and noticed something odd, It was a sky blue color! I went out side of the ship and told him I found it.

Very good now give it to me. He said and I gave it to him.

He began pressing buttons on the onion that I didn't notice before. Suddenly it began glowing and smelled very spicy. Now, put your foot on it. I did. And say 'There's no place like home' and jump up and down .

"There's no place like home!" I said while jumping up and down, which was very difficult because I still had my foot on the onion.

Suddenly I felt like I just ate a bunch of raw garlic, only pleasurable.

You will now be able to turn to animals. It told me, it looked up at the sky and saw a streak of green light. You must hide! My worst enemy Butter One is coming!

I didn't ask who Butter One is. I just knew he had the initials B.O.

I went behind the chili and crouched down.

All of a sudden I saw B.O.'s ship. It was huge! It a battle ax design and it had poles that looked like they might be weapons. I saw it land next to Weird-Al-Yanchovic and out stepped some cats.

Those are called cats. Weird-Al-Yanchovic told me, they are the first species the spinach have invaded. I watched as the cats made a circle around Weird-Al-Yanchovic.

Despite their cuddly looks, they each have body odor and spinach in their brain. He said, but the cats didn't seem to notice.

"Wait," I said. "You didn't say the spinach could control their minds!"

Oops, He said a little embarrassed. did I forget to mention that?

"Yes, What else did you forget to mention?"

Well you must touch an animal and think about it's form to acquire it, then you must remove your hand think about it again and you will become it. Oh, and never stay in a morph more 2 hours or you will be trapped in that form. To become your human form you must think about how ugly you are. Shouldn't be to hard for you.

"Thanks" I muttered.

Then, B.O. Stepped out of his ship and I was a little confused, Weird-Al-Yanchovic and B.O. Looked the same.

There has only been one bean to fall victim to the spinach, Weird-Al-Yanchovic told me, Butter One, and he hates it when you call him B.O.

Then, suddenly B.O. Spoke. So we meet for the last time, Weird-Al-Yanchovic He said with a sneer. How many of our fighters have you deep fried by the end of the battle? 1? 2? BWAHAHAHA! It laughed, and nearly missing their cue the cats began laughing too, "MEOWOWOWOWOW! MEOWOWOWOW MEOWOWOWOW MEOWOWOWOW"

B.O. Raised his hand in order for them to stop. SILENCE YOU FOOLS! OR I WILL PUT YOU IN THE MEET GRINDER! He said politely. Now Weird-Al-Yanchovic I will eat you!

Weird-Al-Yanchovic gasped.

Then I peeked around the chili and saw B.O. Morph. He grew taller and began to grow raiser blades on his arm.

How do you like this morph? He roared. I acquired it in another universe commonly referred to 'Animorphs'.

Then when the morph was complete, he ate Weird-Al-Yanchovic, I was too scared to puke, so Weird-Al-Yanchovic did for me.

To my horror I saw a piece of the bean fall down and the cats scrambled to eat it up, a rather large and rather familiar cat ate the piece, and when the cat was done, it farted rather loudly.

Then I did throw up.

"BLEEEEEEEWL" I protested while tossing my cookies.

Some how the sound of me puking caught the attention of one of the cats.

"MEOWOW HISSS!" The furry feline commanded his friends. (Which is cat for "GET THAT MOUSE OVER THERE!") Then all of the cats began chasing me. I picked up my grocery bag and opened the tic tacs.

"EAT TIC TACS EVIL CATS!" Which I then decided that that wasn't a very good threat because tic tacs ARE edible.

Then a funny thing happened. The cats began eating the tic tacs I threw. Then one of the cats gobbled up a tic tac, and the cat next to him said "GGGGGRRRRRR" (which is cat for "that was my tic tac!")

then the two cats got into a fight and the other cats picked sides and started fighting each other.

I took this distraction to my advantage and ran all the way home and jumped in bed.

Chapter 2

I didn't have any weird dreams last nigh, which is a surprise, my dreams usually are weird. Like I had this dream where the spirit of Mario's floating head came and told me I was going to give birth to the new Christ. So my dreams not being weird, is weird. Any ways I noticed some odd when I cam home last night, I couldn't find my cat Echo (I wanted to name him Herman Li) Which is also weird because he's usually sleeping on the couch.

I had to wake up at 7:00 for school, so I was SUPER tired. I just kind of zoned through school, and I decided to keep my 'Encounter of the fourth kind' to myself. The kids in my class where giving weird stares because I didn't have enough energy to make half decent jokes during class. The only exciting thing that happened that day was that I choked on cafeteria food, and one of the lunch monitors had to use the Heimlich maneuver. After that we played dodge ball.

When I got home that day I decided to try that morphing thing out. I. Was.

Going to. Become. My cat. Time to get started. Now, where is that stupid cat?

**TWO HOURS LATER**

Well I can't find that stupid cat, so I'm going to become a..... um......

Oh this is boring, I thought an alien encounter would be more exciting. Now... what do they always do in the movies? Oh yeah, they go and tell people. Then they get a special white jacket and a field trip to the nut factory. But I would invite them over and show them the fact that I can morph. They I would give them the morphing power! Wait... I don't have the morphing onion.

"Knock, knock" the door protested. "I'll get it!" I yelled. I ran to the door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Pizza"

"Pizza who?"

"Pizza for you!"

"YAY!"

So then I opened the door and some hands shot out and grabbed me by my shirt, pulled me through the door and suddenly I was blind and I felt some one hog tie me.

"HEY! Where are you taking me??" I shouted.

The thugs lifted me off the ground and carried me to their car.

"Your going for a little ride." One of the thugs said. (I'll nickname him "Goldie")

"Don't try to scare him to much, Charles" The thug that probably wasn't Charles said.(I'll nickname him "Locks")

"Don't worry, Charles I'm not too scary." 'Goldie' said.

"Well I know that." The third thug said. (Nick name "Captain Underpants")

Hmm. Maybe they all are named Charles.

"Hey, Charles!" I said.

"What?" They all said at once.

"Are all of your names Charles?" I asked.

"None of your business." They all said.

"Please, man let me kill him, please." One of them said, after I heard the cocking of a gun.

Hhhmmm.... somethings wrong here... me, hogtied in the back of a car loaded with thugs all names 'Charles' and it feels like the thug next to me wet his pants.

"HEY!" I shouted. "You're not from the pizza place!"

"It doesn't matter," 'Captain Underpants' said "your not going to feel a thing..."

At that the thug took out a sword and sliced my head off.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" I woke up on the couch, whew it was just a dream.

Or at least the thug part. Ok, now where was I? Oh yeah getting a 'posse' or a 'gang' or a 'team'. And I didn't even have the morphing onion.

Then, the door bell rung so I went to the door and asked "Who's there?"

"Package for Drake."  
"Oh, Okay."

I opened up the door and expected thugs named 'Charles' instead I got the mail man.

"Sign Here, Here, Here, Initials here, here, and here, proof of concept here, proof of delivery here, here and here, and finally answer my friend request on facebook, and are you interested in taking the national poll?"

"No."

"Here ya go" He said while he dropped the package in my hands. I opened it up and I read the note

"_Dear Drake,_

_I figured you'd need to team up in_

_the future, so I sent you this._

_Love,_

_Weird-Al-Yanchovic_

_P.S. You aren't supposed to know this till_

_book 21, but I am your father."_

_"_I saw that coming a mile away," I muttered "now, let's see what he sent me." I dug around the packing peanuts and found... an onion, with how to instructions. I ate the onion and continued digging in the packing peanuts and found the **morphing **onion.

_Good, _I thought. _Now I can get a 'posse' or a 'gang' or maybe 'Andalite bandits'. _I went and decided to phone all of my friends. Now who I gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS! Dood doo, dood doo. Dang It I'm getting of track, now my list of friends..... ….. …. . .. .. That's a hard question.... . .. .. .. . … .. .. ..

I'm gonna have to think about this a while.... OoOoOoh, Adam! No wait I haven't seen him since kindergarten..... Danny Phantom! No wait he's a cartoon..... . .. .. …

Um there's Jake! I phoned up Jake and told him to come over right away.

A few minutes later Jake was in my room.

"You're not going to believe this but," I started. "I had an encounter with aliens, and they gave me the power to morph to animals."

Jake suddenly looked very serious. "Where these 'aliens' called andalites?"

"No."

"Was their leader called Visser Three?"

"No, his name was Butter One, I call him B.O. For short."

"Oh," Jake said, "It looks like there are two aliens invading earth now."

"Wait. What?!?!" I asked.

"Come with me." He said.

So he lead me to the end of town to a little barn where a rather short hispanic kid, a tall, pretty blond girl, an African American girl shoving a pill up a duck's umm indecent place.

When I walked in the short kid said "Great, another alien"

"No," Jake said, " well your half way right." They all just stared at Jake.

"Drake, Tell em'" Jake said.

So I told them every thing that happened to this point, but I left out the part about the thugs.

"So there are two aliens fighting for earth?" Marco said, "That's a pain in the butt."

"So?" Rachel said, "We'll get some flamethrowers and barbecue some spinach!"

"No," I said, "barbecued spinach doesn't taste very good..."

"So, Drake," Jake started. "Your one of us, one of us, one of us."

Then they all made a circle around me and slowly moved closer and closer and all the time chanting "One of us, One of us, One of us.

"AAAAAHHHH!!!!!" I woke up screaming again. Oh Okay after I got the package I took a nap, that was a weird dream. Well, one things for sure, Jake and his friends are NOT fighting aliens.

Chapter 3

Okay, now I'll really call one of my friends. Now, where's the phone?

I went over to where the phone should be and found a note that read, _Drake, if you _

_ever want to see your phone again you must go on a treasure hunt using this clue:_

_**It's in your pocket.**_

WHAT?? That's an IMPOSSIBLE clue! Maybe I need to unscramble the word pocket. Let's see here, tekcop, pokcet, pot koce, oep tkc. That's it! Oep tkc!

That's where it is! Hmm, Maybe now I need to add some letters and take some out... change the E to O, add an S, change T to I........ I think I have it! It spells 'oops I peed'! Now if I change those words around it says I peed, oops! That means I need to look In the bathroom! Just then the phone rang, I answered it.

"Hello," A mysterious voice said, "Would you like to know where your phone is?"

"Well, DUH," I answered, "Where is it??"

"It's in your hand."

"Oh, okay, any other hints for me?"

"Call your friend, Kyle."

"Why?"

"Because It's getting kind of boring when you wake up screaming every time you try to call some one."

"Okay, buy."

After that the phone rang again, it was the same person.

"Buy what?"

"No, the kind like goodbye, not buy this."

"Okay."

I hang up again, then I dialed Kyle's number.

"Ello," Kyle said, and yes he's British. "Ew iz dis?"

"It's Drake."

"Oi, I can neva understand you accent."

"Me neither," I agreed, "You need to come over right away."

"Why?"

"Because I need to show you some thing."  
Then I heard the door bell ring, so I hang up the phone.

"Oi, I came over straight away!" Kyle said as he came in.

"I need to show you something," I said, "I can turn into animals."

"Cool." He said totally losing his British accent, "How?"

I told him every thing that happened so far, then I grabbed the onion and entered the code the How to use a morphing onion instruction guide said.

"Now, put your foot on the onion, jump up and down and say `there's no place like home!`." I told him.

"You can now turn into animals."

"How does it work?"

"Umm, well..." I stated, "I haven't tried it yet..."

"So, try it!"

"Okay." I said while I went outside, where there happened to be a dead bald eagle in my yard. "Fist I need to touch it," I told him while I touched it and focused on it's form, "Then focus on how it looks, take your hand away and focus on it again,

and you will become it." I watched as he repeated the process.

"Let's morph," I said, " Hey, that could be my catch phrase!" Then, I pictured myself in the middle of a battle, then the camera zooms in on my face and I wait a few seconds for dramatic effect and say 'Let's morph'. Ooooh and then my theme song plays. :)

I began the morphing process by focusing on the eagle. After a few minutes, me and Kyle were eagles. We flew up wwwwwaaaaaaayyy up high and looked down at the little ants (People) when I saw something rather odd.

My cat was walking on two legs and going into the school. Did you see that? I asked Kyle, My cat just went into the school!

We should go check it out, Kyle said, while looking at the rather odd scene, You're cat could be one of them.

Good idea I complimented, We should go see what's going on here.

So we landed behind the dumpster and demorphed, I had to focus on my nose a lot though. And after we demorphed there was a little problem, we were both naked.

"Gee, this sucks." I complained. "Next time we should bring clothes with us."

So we went all the way back home and got some clothes and put them in a paper bag.

Then we flew aaaalllll the way back there, demorphed, and put our clothes on.

Chapter 4

It was pretty easy to sneak into the school, and right a way we found my cat.

So, we tied him up to a chair and carried him home. Then we went into my basement and found an old flashlight.

"Talk, cat and we might give you some catnip!"

"Fine," My cat said, "I'll talk, what do you need to know?"

"Where is your secret layer?"

"It's in the school supplies closet, it's voice activated though."

"What is the password?"

"Pokemon."

"Pokemon?"

"Pokemon."

"Okay umm bye."  
"Wait!" My cat yelled, "Don't leave me here!"

"Ummm too late."

So after that me and Kyle went back upstairs, flew to the school again, demorphed and snuck into the supplies closet.

"Password plz." The computer voice said.

"Pokemon."

"Pazword excepted, my home dawggz."

So we went down the secret doorway, got half down the steps and it hit me like a truck hitting an egg stature of a pigeon.

"Wait." I said, "The only morphs we have are eagles!"

And with that sentence we ran all the way back up, to my house and began planning a trip to the zoo.

**Next Wednesday **

Me and Kyle finally got a chance to go the zoo all by ourselves. Soon after wards I found a door that said 'employees only. Violaters will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.'

So of course we snuck into the door that led to a hallway of doors.

"I choose door number one!" I said, while opening up the door. There was a rhino right behind it. "Um, good camel, goooood." I stretched out my hand and touched the rhino, then out of now where a note landed on my head, it read,

_Dear Drake,_

_I forget to mention this_

_but... if you concentrate_

_too hard while you_

_acquire an animal,_

_either you or the animal_

_will die._

After I read the note I told Kyle the same thing.

I touched the rhino again and concentrated, but not too hard, when I was done I told Kyle it was time to go, Kyle acquired a cockroach and that's all.

Chapter 5

We went to school again and into the 'secret' chamber.

"Pazword Plz." The annoying computer said.

"Pokemon."  
"Pazword exeptaded, now go in before I get you in your sleep."The computer said politely.

"Let's go." I said, "You have my theme song ready?"

"Yep"

"Okay then."

Then we made it all the way down the steps, I saw cats AND humans, in cages, screaming at the still infected cats.

"Let's morph," I said. I waited a little longer and said, "I said let's morph!"

"Oh, okay." Kyle said as he hit play on my theme song. "Can't I have my own theme song?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because this story is from _**MY**_ point of view."

"Well that's.....that's...... THAT'S POOPY!

I bust out crying.

"Now," Kyle said, "Let's morph."

I focused on the rhino and I felt my self growing, growing, growing, then all of a sudden I was nearly blind! But, that's okay because I usually don't wear my glasses any ways. ;D

Behold, I AM A RHINO! I stated, Bow down to me!

"Uh oh," I heard one of the cats say. "I told you earth is too hard to be invaded!"

"Well you were right!" One of the infected humans said, "Let's abandon all hope and run all he way home!"

So I felt very triumphant as the spinach ran all the way back to their space ship to eat nachos and have a "we're a winner because we tried!" Festival back on their home planet.

But only one person remained. Butter one said,I am not scared of

you silly earth creature!Now, prepare to die!

Oh yeah? I said, Yo mama's soooo ugly that the devil decided not to go down to Georgia!

WWWAAAHHH!!! Butter one said, That's ssooo MEAN!

Then he ran to his private ship crying, and joined the rest of the fleet.

THE END

* * *

**Did you like the ending?**

**Remember, Bad readers read a word and say it's boring, good readers actually read the stuff, the best readers reveiw and tell me what they thought a bout it. Was the humor good? Did i forget any thing in the plot? Did I bore you to death?**


	2. Author's Notes

This is a one shot story.

Thank you.

wait... doesn't this make it a 2 shot? Or do authors notes count... IDK.

:D


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